pain – KaylaAnn

Poetry

One Regret

August 5, 2019July 21, 2019 kaylaannauthor

My one regret:

That seed of bitterness buried deep in my heart

I try to forgive, try to forget

But you were supposed to protect me, not break me apart

I choke on weeds when I think of your name

Feeling pierced by thorns when I see your face

When I wake at night, heart dead in my chest

As sobs cycle through, chasing away any chance of rest

My vision runs red, as I struggle, not knowing what to do

Wishing to blackout, just so that I can stop thinking of you

It’s hard to forgive, it’s hard to forget.

That you will always be,

the one who abandoned me,

My one everlasting regret.

thorns — Thank you @https://unsplash.com/@kellysikkema for your wonderful photo.

©KaylaAnnAuthor

© KaylaAnn and KaylaAnnAuthor.wordpress.com, 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to KaylaAnn and KaylaAnnAuthor.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Invisible Illness (IBS Awareness Month)

April 8, 2019 kaylaannauthor

Heat builds and burns just beneath the surface of my skin

And yet, you feel nothing

“It’s in your head,” you say, meaning to be reassuring

Not understanding

Skin feels pulled too tight over sharp bones

That strain against

Prison walls built of sinew and boiling blood

That freezes over

Shooting a chill through the body, creating fog

That blinds and confuses

“Focus,”

you snap fingers that don’t feel

Stiff and broken

Within wary-weary veins rages a battle leaving behind

Battered corpses of my cells

But it’s internal this battle and you only see

The physical

I lift up these skeletal hands costumed in flesh

To apply blush

Over dead skin, move these lips to form words,

“Smile, pretty girl, don’t make a sound

They can’t and don’t

Want to see

Your pain.”

©KaylaAnnAuthor

© KaylaAnn and KaylaAnnAuthor.wordpress.com, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to KaylaAnn and KaylaAnnAuthor.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Poetry

The Five Stages: Anger

January 25, 2019January 24, 2019 kaylaannauthor

The record turns and wobbles

Scratched screams and sobs echo from the vinyl

But before it goes on to long

Let me set the record straight

There is no anger against you

You were a fighter, a champion

And even though we lost you

You did not lose

There is no anger against God

Who said no to a miracle,

But said yes to ending

Your pain.

There is anger against the Devil

Anger against sin, anger against

The sickness, the cancer that

ravaged you body.

There is anger when I think

Of what you will miss

But there is no anger

Against you.

There could never be anger

Against you.

©KaylaAnnAuthor

Poetry

Do You Want to Know What Love Is

January 18, 2019January 15, 2019 kaylaannauthor

Love is fifty plus years of marriage

Coming to a close in a room

At home while he lies

In a hospital bed

Love is how she dotes on him

Rubbing lotion in small

Circles on his skin and

Carmex on his lips

Love is how she helps to change

him and squirt water on

His dry tongue, doing

Whatever she can

Love is how he sometimes seems

To recognize her face, to touch

Her cheek with shaking fingers

And although he can no longer

Speak, his eyes show the love

And admiration he has

For the woman by his bedside.

That is love.

Poetry

Conflicting Emotions

January 16, 2019January 15, 2019 kaylaannauthor

Cascading spa-colored fabric

That ruffles down, extenuating their figures

lightly brushing against the

Silver strapped heels

An argument about a morphine drip

That soothes pain and yet,

Simultaneously, steals away what

Precious little time remains

Teardrop necklaces that rest

Perfectly between the collar bones

Kissing their skin right above

V-shaped necklines

Caregivers that do their best to

Give care where they can and warning

Where they cannot, whispering,

“Prepare yourself for the end.”

The family and friends who murmur

“Congratulations on your Engagement”

and “Our Condolences” on your grandfather’s health

In the same sentence.

A man that loves me with all his heart

And a man who showed me what love is

The best

and

The worst

Memories occurring

Side by side.

Poetry

Your Arms

January 9, 2019January 4, 2019 kaylaannauthor

Are my stronghold

When I have no strength

•

I walk through these halls

I hold it it and smile

I nod, even though I never

Heard the question

My brain is numb

Although I swear I can hear

My heart cracking

Inch

But I must be

Strong

•

Mustn’t I?

•

Except for when you are around

Except for when I am held

Protected, safe, sheltered

In your arms

When I can allow myself

To be weak

And to weep

As I hear my hear

My heart shatter

Piece

•