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Why I don’t say “It’s Okay” when someone apologizes

In today’s society when someone apologizes, we often respond, “It’s okay.”

And this drives me absolutely crazy!

The reason why someone is apologizing in the first place is because they did something that was the complete opposite of “okay.” For instance, in a show I was watching (some medical drama), the nurse did something stupid that could have cost someone their life and when she apologized, they said, “It’s okay.”

It. was. not. okay. Someone could have died!

Now, a lot of times in our own experiences we are not dealing with life-or-death situations. However, our experiences are just as important to us. If someone does something wrong, something hurtful, that requires an apology, we should not turn around and comfort them saying, “It’s okay.”

Not only does it make light of their action, but it also diminishes their apology.

Instead, I respond to an apology saying either:

“I forgive you” or “I accept and appreciate your apology.”

These two phrases are healthier for many reasons. These phrases:

  • Maintains that the action was wrong and requires forgiveness
  • Allows the person apologizing to accept accountability
  • Emphasizes that the person accepting the apology understands the wrongness but chooses to forgive anyone.

We cannot continue to tell people it “is okay” when it is not. We should forgive, but forgiveness can only come when we admit that there is something to forgive.

What do you think?

How do you respond when someone apologizes to you?

Sorry

©KaylaAnnAuthor

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45 thoughts on “Why I don’t say “It’s Okay” when someone apologizes”

      1. Absolutely. At times even excepting our mistakes and apologizing takes a lot of courage and by saying “It’s okay” in response to that we’re disregarding all that it took for the person to come up with that courage to say sorry.
        I completely agree with you on this account.

        Liked by 3 people

  1. “Now, a lot of times in our own experiences we are not dealing with life-or-death situations. However, our experiences are just as important to us.”- this one is so well said. Not many would understand that our experiences are important to us! Nice post kaylaa:)

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I absolutely agree.
    I can’t ever bring myself to say ‘it’s okay’. I just can’t.
    Because, okay you apologized. But you apologizing does not fix everything, it only means that you’ve acknowledged your mistake or whatever.
    But even if you say sorry, it’s not okay. It’s anything except for okay.

    And it’s okay is too small of an acknowledgement for the efforts the person may have made to accept the mistake.
    Just doesn’t make sense.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I have, probably as a learned response over the years, said “it’s ok”. But clearly the look in my eyes, the tone in my voice is saying something completely different. But at the same time wanting to appear unaffected and strong.
    I will monitor myself in the future. Nice post KaylaAnn!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Diana! During my high school years I found myself saying “It’s okay,” and I realized that those same people would continuously hurt me. Maybe it was just the kind of people they were but maybe it was also because I kept telling them that their actions were okay when they weren’t.

      Like

  4. YAAAASSS. I feel the exact same way, but I will admit I used to say “it’s okay.” It wasn’t until a kid apologized to me and when I said “it’s okay,” the parent freaked out and was like no you need to say “I forgive you or I accept your apology.” So, the kid and I both got a lesson that day. 😂 But it made sense, so it stuck with me.

    Liked by 3 people

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