Blogs / Life

Why I don’t say “It’s Okay” when someone apologizes

In today’s society when someone apologizes, we often respond, “It’s okay.”

And this drives me absolutely crazy!

The reason why someone is apologizing in the first place is because they did something that was the complete opposite of “okay.” For instance, in a show I was watching (some medical drama), the nurse did something stupid that could have cost someone their life and when she apologized, they said, “It’s okay.”

It. was. not. okay. Someone could have died!

Now, a lot of times in our own experiences we are not dealing with life-or-death situations. However, our experiences are just as important to us. If someone does something wrong, something hurtful, that requires an apology, we should not turn around and comfort them saying, “It’s okay.”

Not only does it make light of their action, but it also diminishes their apology.

Instead, I respond to an apology saying either:

“I forgive you” or “I accept and appreciate your apology.”

These two phrases are healthier for many reasons. These phrases:

  • Maintains that the action was wrong and requires forgiveness
  • Allows the person apologizing to accept accountability
  • Emphasizes that the person accepting the apology understands the wrongness but chooses to forgive anyone.

We cannot continue to tell people it “is okay” when it is not. We should forgive, but forgiveness can only come when we admit that there is something to forgive.

What do you think?

How do you respond when someone apologizes to you?



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45 thoughts on “Why I don’t say “It’s Okay” when someone apologizes”

    1. I know what you mean, I used to say “it’s okay” (sometimes even when I didn’t mean it) because I wanted to close that chapter of my life but I realize now that it was only harmful to that friendship.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I totally agree, even though I never really thought about it like this before and have a bad habit of saying, “It’s okay.” I’m going to try to change that from now on—thanks! 👍🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m guilty of this. Sometimes I say it just to say it so that the problem or person will go away when I know he/she doesn’t isn’t even sincere in his/her apology. I know that if I say it’s not, we’re just going to keep having that problem and I have better things to worry about. Other times, I have to be nice to folks even when they’re rude to me. Boy, I’m not working in retail ever again.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I would agree though I can’t say I always follow it 🙈 lol I’ve also heard you can simply say thank you. I’m pretty non-confrontational so being on either end of an apology makes me feel kinda awkward usually lol but I think I tend to say “no worries.” Idk I guess it depends on the situation. Something to think about!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree with you. If it were okay, then there wasn’t any need for an apology at first.

    When someone apologises to me, I try to make sure that person understands the very reason I’m hurt. When I succeed in that, I smile, and say, “I forgive you, please don’t let such happen again.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think it depends on how contrite the other person is. If it’s obvious that they’re really upset that they’ve hurt me I tend to say ‘OK, don’t worry about it’ because I don’t want them to feel any worse than they do already. However, if the apology is offhand and not genuine then I will explain why they’ve hurt me and hope that a more sincere ‘sorry’ is forthcoming.

    Liked by 1 person

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